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Kalina Bains

WORDS I AM AFRAID TO SAY


WORDS I AM AFRAID TO SAY BUT LIVE WITH EACH AND EVERY DAY

THEY CUT SO DEEP AND LEAVE WOUNDS UNHEALED

MASK MAKE MY LIVE UNREVEALED

I HIDE WITH MASKS THAT HAVE A SMILE

YET INSIDE I AM SCARED AND CRYING OUT LOUD

THE FEAR OF OTHERS KNOW THE TRUE ME IS SCARY

SO I PRETEND THIS IS ME I’M OKAY,

BUT MY HEART IS BREAKING

I’M OKAY BUT IT’S TO LATE I’M DYING

I’M OKAY BUT THE BROKENNESS I FEEL IS KILLING ME

AND I NEED TO HEAL ADDICTIONS, DIVORCE, DEBT AND LIES

THEY ALL KEEP ME DOWN ON MY KNEES

I SEE OTHERS WITH THEIR HAPPY LIVES WONDERING WHAT I COULD HAVE DONE BESIDES THE LONELINESS, MISTRUST, HURT AND TEARS HAS LIVED IN ME FOR MANY YEARS

HOW LONG CAN I LIVE THIS WAY?

THE MASK IS STARTING TO FEEL MY PAIN

IT’S FALLING OFF AND OUT

I’LL COME WHAT WILL OTHERS SAY – I’M DUMB TO LET THIS GO ON FOR SO LONG WHEN REALLY ALL I HAD TO DO WAS ACKNOWLEDGE THE PAIN AND GO ON

NOW I’M TAKING

BABY STEPS, QUIVERING, I STILL SHAKE

THE FUTURE IS MINE, AND MISTAKES I WILL MAKE BUT MY DAYS WILL BE FULL OF CHOICES TO MAKE MINDFULNESS AND FEELING GREAT NO ONE TO PUT ME DOWN CAUSE I’M LIVING ON MY TERMS ALONE BUT NOT LONELY EACH DAY SURVIVING, STRONGER IN MIND MY HEART IS NOT ACHING BECAUSE I’VE GROWN UP THIS TIME KB

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