Most of my life I have been fitting in society, to be what others expected of me. At a very young age I discovered that I could not be that and didn’t fit in, it was a struggle for decades. Being the black sheep in a Mennonite community with strong beliefs, I felt as though I was letting them down and not being honest with who I needed to be. After I had my children, married I still felt I needed to be a good mother and listen to my husband and did what I was supposed to do; not questioning but listening and believing what I was told. Depressed, repressed I felt full of sin and shame for things that made me a bad person.
It took a long time to feel like I belonged to myself, that I was enough. The unwanted identify expected of me with unspoken laws that I came to believe finally had no control of me; I was free, I took back my life. Finding like-minded women and healing has turned my mind and life around as I feel like I belong to a community of women who like me have struggled for a long time. There is no shame, maybe a little guilt at times for being overzealous and putting myself first. The triggers try to pull me back into fitting in are fewer, but still there. I have honoured myself as a confident, strong and bold woman who knows that to heal and be happy it is okay to just be me, for me. Acceptance of myself, better self-care, mentors and support have been the catalyst for my transformation as I let go of things and people that hold me back from being who I want and need to be